The Cat Whisperer

I am somewhat of a self-proclaimed Cat Whisperer.
I watch that program on TV sometimes about the Dog Whisperer and I marvel at his understanding of those animals and how he seems to get them to do what he wants so easily.
Well, seriously, I have been "understanding" cats ever since I can remember. I swear I pick up their thoughts. A lot of their thoughts go something like this: "Can I have some of that? It smells good!" or "Huh? No, not the nail-clipping today, I said NO!"
I can also decipher what cats are saying to one another!

One of my cats, Tabby, who wants to be an only cat, just can't adjust to other people and cats. Let's see, she's lived here for...um ...about 9 years now. When she sees one of the strays outside, looking in through the sliding glass doors, waiting for a meal, she hisses "Get LOST, LOSER!" at them and stomps away.
My other girl, Angel, who is such a kind soul, will whisper to them through the window: "Hi, Mom is getting the food. How's your sore ear/foot today? I'll come out to play in a few."





Well, anyhow, I thought that since I really understand cats and they really understand me, why not try to get them to pull their weight a little around here? I mean, I wouldn't ask them to go out and get a job or anything; but they could at least show some initiative with helping me.
Yesterday I answered the phone and it was for my husband, in another room. Look, people, it's not like we live in a 15,000 square foot home! I sweetly asked Tabby if she would take the phone to Daddy. She just blinked at me. Now, some people might mistake that for a regular, old-fashioned blink. But....Oh No...I could read that blink. She clearly refused, saying "Just how am I supposed to carry a phone into the next room for you?"
This is the same cat that sped through the house a few weeks ago, with my Coach sneaker. She was running and racing, and all I could see was a black blur with her. I said "What the heck is that on Tabby?" My husband told me that it was my shoe! How could that happen????
Somehow, in playing with my laces, one lace wrapped around either her tail, or her leg....I'm not sure. But she spent 5 minutes racing all over, and ended up hiding under my bed. That's where she and the shoelace separated for good.
Now, if a cat could carry/drag a shoe with her, why can't she take the phone to her father for me?







She said she just "didn't feel like it".