But....what if I'm not ready?

She's been waiting for today.....
Of course I'm happy for her. This is what she's been wanting as she waved good-bye to her brother for the past couple of years as he left on that bus.
But all I could think about today...was when she was born. I was right there as she took her first breath. The pediatrician came in to check on her and raved about how beautiful she was. And she was...with those long black eyelashes resting on fat little cheeks. She was breathtaking. Feisty and determined and sweet -- that's T-Dogg.
Two years ago, when I lost my job, I could at last spend time with her. We read and talked and played games. We went to her favorite place Thubways (Subway) where she always charmed them out of a free cookie by batting those eyelashes. I let her make a lot of her own decisions. We visited Great Nana and we went to the park. Sometimes we just watched TV or giggled and acted silly. We even have our own secret code words that no one else really knows about.
But today, she got on her sparkly pink shoes, her new backpack, kissed me good-bye and walked right out of my life as she boarded that long-awaited bus.
There's a reason that grandparents take it harder than parents when the bus arrives. Grandparents aren't as tired... and they realize that the days are shorter and that climbing the steps of that bus signals an end that came too fast.
I said "Angels -- Go with her!" just like I always say about her brother. (and always said about my own kids)
Good-bye Tay.